Experience:

As a husband and father of two young girls, marriage and parenting has, and continues to, help me understand Catholicism in a very different, deep, and beautiful way, which has led to a much greater appreciation and love for the faith. And rightfully so, as it should, since marriage is a sacrament and a vocation that some of us are called to, in order to help us get to heaven. I’d like to share a parental experience that has helped me better understand a very important concept of the faith that some of our other Christian brothers and sisters fail to realize.  

My oldest daughter is about 2.5 years of age. She’s smart, funny, and is starting to speak full sentences. She’s not afraid to ask (sometimes demand) certain things, of me, my wife, or her 11-month-old sister. Now there are times when my daughter wants something from me, but she refuses to ask me directly, even though we’re in the same room, just feet away. Instead, she asks her mom to ask me. Sometimes she begs and pleads with my wife, but refuses to go straight to me. My wife will gently and lovingly tell her, “why don’t you go and ask him?” She won’t respond, but will look at me, ponder, and then look back at my wife. A negotiation will take place where they’ll go back and forth until my wife decides to walk her over to me. She’ll take my daughter’s hand and tell me that she has something to ask me, in efforts to persuade or encourage my daughter to make the request. But my daughter will just stand there, blank faced and stare at me, with her finger in her mouth, refusing to ask me directly. So then my wife will proceed to tell me what she wants, whether that be to throw her in the air, pick her up, or let her sit on my lap. She’s done this now on multiple occasions and I can’t help but ask, “why is she afraid to come to me directly?” She’s not shy to ask me for other things and more often than not I will do what she wants. Sometimes it gets frustrating and I start to question what I’m doing (or not doing) as a Father that makes her hesitant to ask me or what I can do to help better gain her trust and confidence so she can be comfortable coming to me with anything.

Then I realized what was happening, and it started to slowly ease my paternal anxiety. She was interceding through my wife to get to me, for whatever reason that may be, and that was all right. Could it be that she’s shy? Could it be that she’s intimidated? Could it be that she’s afraid of the answer? Could it be that I’m the opposite sex? All possible, but we don’t know. Maybe she feels she has a better chance of getting what she wants if mom asks me? We’ll never know. But what we do know, is that she is more comfortable asking mom; the very person who birthed her, who gave her life, who spends a lot of time with her, and the person who literally shares a part of her through something called fetal microchimerism. 

Reflection

After some reflection, I made the connection. This is exactly how Marian intercession works! Now I’m not in any way implying that I’m Jesus (although that is the goal), and my wife is Mary and my daughter is every lay person, but this definitely helped me truly understand how Marian intercession works and that it’s suitable for my daughter to do this. It doesn’t mean that she hates me or that I am doing something wrong as a Father. In fact, it means just the opposite. There are times, for whatever reason, we don’t want to go directly to Jesus; maybe we’re ashamed, intimidated, or shy; maybe we’re in a state of sin or spiritual dryness, maybe we’re at a very difficult time in our lives and we’re angry at God. So instead, we seek the intercession of Mary, the perfect Mother. Through her gentleness, her comfort, and her peace, we make requests to God the Father through her because we know He’ll listen, regardless of what we may think or feel. After all, our Lord’s first Miracle and earthy ministry occurred and started at the request of the Blessed Mother, even through Jesus’ reluctance (John 2: 1-11).

One of the great Marian saints of our time is the Great St. John Paul II (“JPII”), who I have a deep devotion to. His personal motto that he used to express his personal consecration to Mary was “Totus Tuus”, which in Latin means “totally yours” or “all yours”. JPII was attached to Saint Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. Through those writings, he discovered that authentic Marian devotion leads one closer to Christ. He states: “I was already convinced that Mary leads us to Christ, but at that time I began to realize also that Christ leads us to his Mother”. In many ways of daily life, my wife leads my daughter to me, and likewise, I lead my daughter to my wife. This is normal. It’s intended to work this way as we are one flesh through marriage (Ephesians 5).

I recently learned about something called fetal microchimerism, where during pregnancy, some of the fetus’s cells leave the womb, traveling through the placenta and into the mother’s bloodstream, where they end up in various parts of her body. The mother’s body kills off most of these circulating fetal cells shortly after pregnancy. But some evade the immune system and can stay for long periods of time in the mother’s body, for decades, and in some cases, an entire lifetime. Without getting into the weeds, at face value and in summary: after birth, a part of the child literally stays with the mother. This may be a reason, among many others, why my daughter feels more comfortable going to her mom and not directly to me. But I think the bigger picture with all of this, is connecting it to what Jesus did at the foot of the cross: “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple who he loved standing beside her, he said to his mother, “Woman, here is your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home” John 19: 26. At that very moment, Jesus gave Mama Mary to each of us, to the faithful, to those who strive to know and love Him, to be our Spiritual Mother. To watch over us, to guide us, to intercede for us. After all, she gave birth to our Lord, and therefore, in her and with her, is a part of Him too. I believe that she too, as our Spiritual Mother, holds a piece of us, our cells and our makeup, throughout our lives, so that we are always comfortable going to her, in order to carry us, God willing, to heaven. To Jesus, Through Mary.

Prayer:

Mary, Mother of God, pray for us and intercede for us always. Pray for families-that the Lord may guide them to bear fruit that challenges the evil in this world.  

Alternative Reflection:

As it relates to the secular notion devaluing the traditional family, this also proves there exists a special role for both the Father and the Mother, not for the two to exist separately, but for the two to exist cohesively.

Book Recommendations:

• Saint Pope John Paul II The Great: His Five Loves by Jason Evert
• 33 Days to Morning Glory by Fr. Michael
• True Devotion to Mary by Saint Louis de Montfort