Kicking and Screaming

Experience:

Our oldest daughter Aubrey, who is turning three next month, started Pre-K last week. My wife Pilar had been preparing her for months. Telling her about what the day would look like, how to unpack her lunchbox, getting her comfortable with her backpack, etc. But the biggest point she tried getting across was that she would have to go by herself and mommy, daddy, and her younger sister couldn’t be there with her. She assured her that we would be there to drop her off and pick her up and that we wouldn’t be far. But no matter how much we prepared, what would happen next seemed inevitable. We were told by parents that certain kids (especially the oldest) are going to struggle being away from home, with strangers for the first time. This was definitely the case for Aubrey, who’s social life and interactions with the outside world after 5 months of being born, was hindered by the pandemic.

Prior to classes starting, we took Aubrey to meet her teachers and her classmates.  This ironically went well. We tried doing everything in our power to best prepare her. She too seemed very excited about the idea of going to school. She kept talking about it for weeks. However, when the first day of school came, it was a different story.

We dropped Aubrey off and walked her into the classroom, but when it was time to say bye, she lost it. She was grabbing Pilar and crying. When the teachers realized what was happening they took Aubrey away from Pilar and told her to leave. I watched as Aubrey screamed and cried at the top of her lungs and started kicking her legs while the teacher tried holding her. The principal came by and assured us this was common and she said it was best to close the door. As I watched this all unfold my heart broke. We stood outside of the classroom door completely out of site. We felt helpless. I kept putting my ear up to the door to try and gauge what was going on. She cried and screamed for a solid ten minutes. If you’re a parent, you understand that this is no easy feeling but you know that ultimately this is what needs to happen and it’s the best for them.

Reflection:

As I drove into work that day, I couldn’t help but make a connection. That this was exactly what it’s like for God to allow suffering in our lives. We should all know that God does not make us suffer, but he ALLOWS us to suffer. As hard as it was to do, my wife and I had to watch as our daughter suffered through those 10 minutes, if not the remaining part of the day. New teachers, new friends, new setting, etc. It was scary for her. But we allowed for it to happen because in the end, we knew it would be for her benefit (in a multitude of ways). We knew that eventually she will have to be able to branch away from us, to learn how to meet new people, and be in settings she’s not comfortable with. This is part of life. We allowed her to go through this for a greater purpose. Aubrey sure doesn’t understand it and likely won’t for a while, but we, as parents, sure do.  The same applies to God, for any suffering that he allows in our lives. We might not understand why He puts us through certain things, but He sure does. After all, He is all knowing!

I also couldn’t help but think what we, as parents, were going through. We too suffered. Having to see our child like that. But then I realized that this is just the first of many instances (albeit small) where we’re going to see her struggle. In a way, we are getting prepared as well. To manage the countless number of times she will be sad, upset, and disappointed at us for certain things. And in a deeper way,  we too are also getting prepared to give her away in much deeper circumstances, whether that be sixth grade camp, college, her future husband or to religious life. God always has a plan. Whether we understand it or not. The goal is to always trust in Him!