Experience:

A good friend of mine got free tickets to the Rocket Mortgage Classic (a golf, PGA tour event) at the Detroit Golf Club. So me and few friends went down on a Saturday and spent the morning and early afternoon watching live golf. We had to park in a structure at Wayne State University and take a shuttle to the course. Wayne State is located in mid-town Detroit, just a few blocks from downtown. Since we were already there, a few friends wanted to try their luck at one of the three casinos.

Now the casino is a place that I despise and will try to avoid as much as possible. I do however go on occasion because I have friends and family that like to go every once in a while, to grab dinner and enjoy some entertainment. So needless to say, after the event, we went. My friend and I sat together on a blackjack table requiring the lowest minimum they offered. There was an older man sitting on the far end of the table. He was laughing and joking with the dealer. The dealer knew him on a first name basis. They had their camaraderie, cracking jokes and teasing each other. Then a women joined us on the other end, very stern, cold, and reserved. Shortly after, a man, maybe in his 50’s, joined between me and the older man. For the sake of ease, let’s call this man “Bob”. Bob was sitting on my direct left. I could tell he was my people. He spoke to his wife in our native language. He was a very calm and collective man; warm, welcoming, and happy. I enjoyed sitting next to him. Bob would coach me through hands and give me advice. He was happy when I won, even when he lost. He had a soft, inviting, and reassuring voice. After a chute or two, the dealer changed. We could tell our current dealer had been dealing a long time. He dealt fast, counted quick, knew the lingo and routine, and handled the chips like a pro. The incoming dealer not so much.

It didn’t take long to realize the incoming dealer was a rookie. He was a younger man, likely in his late 20’s or 30’s. Poor guy had sweat dripping down his forehead before he even got to the table. He spoke softly (almost under his own breath) with a slight stutter. He hesitated with the cards and with the chips. His hands moved very slow and shook a little. You could tell he lacked confidence with what he was doing. Some of the other players at the table started to get impatient and would snap at some of the mistakes he made. There were times where he miscounted a hand (mistook a push for a win or a loss for a push). There were times where he over/under paid people at the table. Every time money came in and he had to convert it to chips it was a process. The lady at the end was even yelling at him telling him how he should be doing his job. Even some of the pit bosses (the people standing behind the dealers supervising) started giving him a hard time (just like a strict teacher treats a misbehaved student).

As this was all happening, I couldn’t help but remain truly moved by what the gentleman sitting to my left was saying and doing. After rough hands, where the dealer got yelled at by his boss or someone at the table, Bob would look the dealer straight in his face and say, “Hey man, don’t worry about it, you’re doing a great job, just take your time”. As some of the other players got impatient, Bob would turn to them and say, “Give him a break, he’s new” or “It’s fine, he’s doing okay, let it go”, trying to diffuse the situations. There was a time when I had pushed with the dealer and the dealer still paid me. Bob called it out and made the dealer aware it was a push and that he shouldn’t pay me. I was shocked (and admittedly a little unhappy) he said something. Then another person at the table jokingly asked Bob why he told the dealer. And Bob replied, “It’s not right man. You don’t want that on you. The casino will see it eventually through the cameras and he [pointing towards me] and the dealer would both get in trouble. And eventually it would have to come out of the dealer’s pocket”. I couldn’t help but think, “Wow, what an honest and model human being”. No matter the instance, whether the outcome benefited or hurt him, Bob had the dealer’s back and was doing the right thing.

Reflection

In one of the most sinister of places, where evil lurks, where people are mean, miserable, and addicted to some type of vice, I was able to find a shining light. Bob moved me. He truly did. It was a fresh reminder to always:

• have mercy and forgiveness towards others wherever we go and among whoever we’re with, regardless of the place or setting and our unconscious bias
• do the right thing, regardless of whether or not it benefits us
• treat people with dignity and respect, especially when it’s tough and unpopular
• speak up for truth
• remain patient with everyone 

Years ago, I was making a confession in a Latin Rite church. At the time, I was newly married and talking with the priest about marriage. The advice he gave me in the confessional that day has lived with me since. I try and practice it every day, with everyone I interact with, especially with my wife and daughters, as hard as it may be sometimes. The priest told me that I need to BUILD people UP. To build my wife up. Not to argue, not to get mad, not to get upset or frustrated, but to BUILD her up. He was obviously right, but when he said hit to me in that moment it hit me very hard. It was as if he gave me the advice that had been missing my whole life up until that moment. I grew up around a lot of people who loved to constantly criticize, put people down, call someone out when they were wrong or not thinking the way they were. But the people that I really looked up to, that I respected and viewed as mentors in my life, had that key trait. They always BUILT people (including myself) UP. They never got mad, they never got frustrated, they never called people out. They BUILT UP. I’m forever grateful to them. I’m forever grateful to that priest who made me realize it. And I’m forever grateful to Bob. For his witness in such an unlikely place. It’s people like Bob who are making this world a better place each and every day. This world needs more Bobs…that’s how we change the world.

Prayer:

Lord help us to become more merciful, forgiving, and loving in everyday life. 

“So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; for this is the law and the prophets.”

– Matthew 7:2